Bragging to the Romans
by Giselle Pink
Summary: Percy brags about how bad-donkey he is compared to Camp Jupiter... In a mushed together Percy way, occasionally adding Valley-girl language. I have nothing against Camp Jupiter... This is for fun.
1. Chapter 1

**Me: I don't own anything except the plot-**

**Percy: This doesn't have a plot…**

**Me: Well I don't own anything except for the jokes.**

Bragging to the Romans

"So, I was twelve, like, just weeks after I got to camp, got a quest to go to the Underworld, retrieve The Master Bolt, and save all humankind from a terrible world war. Of course I also fought Ares, the god who had turned, also getting the Helm of Darkness since I had won. Saving my mother in the process. We soon found out that Kronos was behind the whole thing. Also, Luke, he almost killed me with a scorpion due to the fact he was being used by Kronos. By the way, spoiler alert: he becomes The Titan Lord's host, eventually killing himself and Kronos by Annabeth's knife, since I trusted him enough to hand him the knife. So I saved the world." Percy said, just starting the bragging session in front of the Romans. Everyone was gaping,

"Then, I was thirteen, shorter story really, I snuck out of camp to save Grover, the fawn, from marrying the Cyclops Polyphemus, who we got the golden fleece from the save the pine tree-"

"What the penguin, a pine tree?" Octavian asked, about to slap Percy for showing how inferior Jason, or himself, were to Percy.

"It contained the spirit of Thalia, daughter of Zeus, who I think might be Jason's sister… Anyway it helped protect the border of camp."

"You needed a tree for that?"

"It created a force field against monsters, plus it needed no upkeep. Anyway, we met Luke… And that spa we blew up, Reyna's former home, yeah, there I got turned into a gerbil, maybe hamster, but eventually with the help of Hermes vitamins turned back to normal and stole a pirate boat. Eventually we met Luke again, who like totally reminds me of Octavian, tried to kill us again, even his old lover Annabeth-"

"SHE WAS TWELVE AND HAD A NINETEEN YEAR OLD FORMER LOVER WHO SHE BROKE THE HEART OF?"

"Yes, and now she's my girlfriend. I'm so cool. By the way, she was thirteen. Anyway, soon we got to camp, and then Thalia arose with the help of the Golden Fleece, which I sent ahead with my frenemy, Clarisse, which was like a totally selfless and heroic act on my part."

"Is everything you do of higher understanding? I mean seriously, it's like you know the right thing to do always." Reyna shrugged glaring, "Like someone plans your life out to publish or something."

"Long story short-" Percy continued.

"Why do I doubt this will be short?"

"I saved the word three more times, with three love interests along the way. Including an immortal who fell for me, a girl who became an Oracle-"

"You were such a bad guy she became an eternal maiden? Plus you had a mortal as a lover… HA!"

"It was more one-sided love on her part, I only thought of her as a friend. She eventually came to realize that she didn't love me for who I was, but because I introduced her to the world she belonged in. So then my fun included, killing Medusa, holding up the sky, fighting with several Titans on my own, fighting Kronos, going to the Labyrinth, leading Camp into war in the main battle, being part of a completely different great prophecy, which I rocked by the way, going to Olympus several times, making enemies with Ares, Hera and who knows who else, and having the best underwater kiss of all time."

And so, the people of Camps Jupiter had made several spit takes, squishing their juice boxes, and even Dakota not touching his Kool-aid for this entire monologue.

Eventually Reyna said,

"Why do I feel like he left out the even more shocking stuff?"

And everybody passed out as the Greeks arrived, because they were obviously so much more hardened than they.

Even though they spent their time playing capture the flag, they still fought Kronos (Percy alone, even) while they just fought his chair.

Romans were the coolest, yet they got powned.

I mean, why else would Rick write about them second?

**(A/N Kay, I have nothing against Romans, I love them a lot, actually… This is just a joke, but I do want a scene where Percy tells them how he saved the world five times…)**


	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own anything Rick Riordan does… EXCEPT FOR IMAGINATION!**

"So then, they asked if I wanted to be god." Percy started to talk, he had just finished the fight with Luke in epic detail, now he was starting with the rewards they had received.

"YOUR KIDDING. Jason got *enter lame in comparison gift here*, but Annabeth got to redesign Olympus, and you're in the process of becoming a god?"

"Hah, no, there's a catch. I refused them, one for Annabeth." Percy stared lovingly into the distance, where the Greek camp was resting after their long journey, "Second, there was something else I wanted."

"You gave up immortality for a girl you aren't even married to?" Octavian started, "I mean, seriously, you've only kissed like three times so far in this story."

"I told you, there was something else too! Besides, the purest form of love it through talking and understanding each other's soul wishes."

"Percy is getting sappy again, Reyna, can you squirt him with that poison gun-" Frank started, but looked over to see Hazel and Reyna with sap-filled glazed over eyes.

"Anyway, I turned them down, so that all children of the Greek gods would be claimed by thirteen, I also called off the big three pact and made sure all minor gods got the recognition they deserved. This included thrones for all and a place at Camp Halfblood."

"You got all the gods thrones? Why doesn't this affect us, I want to be claimed all ready!" A random speaker yelled,

"Different worlds, plus nobody but me would be selfless enough to give up god-hood for the well being of others."

"Again," Reyna said, giving up on the fact how great and selfless Percy was, "What the heck do you eat to become such a stupid, sweet and smart hero at the same time?"

"Lots and lots of blue food." Percy replied, looking into the camera in his head and then winked.

"What about my father?" Hazel asked,

"Oh yeah, there was this whole curse I uplifted from the oracle that said she wouldn't be able to move onto another body until the children of Hades got accepted at camp. The oracle eventually moved the Rachel, through a huge dramatic scene."

"You have an oracle?" Octavian said, "How stupid."

"Her prophecies are 100% perfect all the time, so I wouldn't be talking."

That got everybody to shut up, until Reyna broke the silence,

"So, what is your fatal flaw?"

"Oh, yeah, personal loyalty, I'd sacrifice the world to save a friend, nice seeming stranger and or enemy." Percy shrugged.

"Isn't that a good thing?" Reyna asked, "You can be used well…"

"Only according to Juno, Athena doubts it among a large list of other things…"

"Wait… So you're dating your father's rival's daughter? What the heck is this? Romeo and Juliet? I mean really…" Reyna grabbed her face, and clawed at her eyelids.

"Don't ask me. I'm not the one hinting at breaking the fourth wall in earlier the first chapter…"

Nobody commented on Percy fully breaking fourth wall, 'cause he was too awesome.

**TRUE END**

**Oh, I love breaking fourth wall. :D**

**RECYCLED JOKE FTW! **

**Hello… Goodbye… REVIEW!**

**And thank-a-you! :D**


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